how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
