I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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