That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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