and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
