I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
