Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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