You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
