Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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