Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
