I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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