I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
