Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
