party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
