Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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