i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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