He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
