just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
