All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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