he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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