brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
