My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
