I met the friendliest cop last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
