Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
