the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize