my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
