You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
