You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
