making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
