my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
