Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize