True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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