i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
