____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
