Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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