We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
handjob tips. give me some.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
