yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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