And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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