like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
