i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
