i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
