So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
