yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Randomize
