i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
