Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
love makes seman taste better
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize