we have officially lost it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
