You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found the puke drawer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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