i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
