i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize