But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
