i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
