I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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