Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
