I just pynch a tree in the face
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
