dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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