Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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