I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
