He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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