if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
