hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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