You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
