She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
