Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
