if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
