I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So many bounce houses so little time
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
