Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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