Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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