so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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