and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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