Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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