I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
