We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
