Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
