Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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