I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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