I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
