we're blogging at a bar
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize